Let it Simmer
by kuragari nikkou
Summary: Bols goes on vacation, leaving Wave understaffed in the kitchen, so Wave makes the mistake of teaching the members of his group how to cook. Complete for now.


Everything © their respective owners

-=-=-()

KN: This can only end badly.

 **Warning:** I don't think they're all that in character… I didn't even really try. I also apologize for Dr. Stylish's dirty mind.

-=-=-E

"Have fun on your vacation with your family, Bols!" Seryu waved to him with one hand, the other was carrying Koro.

"Ah, thank you, Seryu, but…" Bols looked down in thought. "Will you and the others be all right with just Wave cooking? I know Kurome and Koro alone might be a bit taxing for him…"

"Don't worry about a thing!" She assured him. "In fact, Wave wanted to teach us how to cook while you were gone. You can rest at ease, the safety of the city and our health will be just fine! Koro will devour every last evil entrail." She smiled cheerily despite the macabre statement. Koro "kyuu"-ed in agreement.

"I wonder if it'll really be okay…" Bols cocked his head.

"I think it'll be just fine." Bols' wife said as she strode over. "You worry too much, dear. The captain was nice enough to give us this time off, so let's enjoy it. Logue's waiting so patiently in the wagon for us too."

"C'mon, mommy and daddy!" speak of the little lady, and here she is, insistently grabbing her father's arm.

"All right, all right…" Bols yielded. He glanced back one last time to see Seryu with her unchanging smile before the small family got into the travel wagon. "I can't help but worry…"

-=-=-()

"This is dumb…" Kurome said in between munching on her cookies.

"No, it's necessary!" Wave corrected her as he finished tying the apron strings behind her. "With Bols gone, I'm going to need _some_ help cooking for everyone."

"Or you could be a good housewife, suck it up, and do it all yourself." Kurome suggested. Wave crossed his arms.

"I doubt I could make enough for you AND Koro by myself…" He shook his head. "You know, you could stand to learn something other than killing."

"Cooking's not in my job description." Kurome rolled her eyes. "And besides, big sis usually did all the cooking for me…"

"And you never thought to help her out?" Wave cocked his head.

"I wasn't allowed to help her because I kept eating all the ingredients." Kurome deadpanned.

"Somehow, I can understand that…" Wave finished tying his own apron on. "Well, think of it this way, then. If you learn to cook, then you can make something other than seafood since you insist I cook too much of that."

"Or maybe you could cook less seafood, you fish freak…" She muttered under her breath.

"That's mean!" Wave pointed out, indignantly. "I'm not a fish freak…" He turned away to get the cooking utensils. As he got out the cutting board, he forgot about the comment and smiled at the thought of being able to see Kurome do something like slice vegetables.

It'd be nice in two ways. The first would be since Kurome was never really normal; having her do a menial task that didn't involve playing with corpses might help her have a healthier mindset. The second was that Kurome would be cooking while wearing a cute apron!

And that nice thought was shattered when Wave turned around and found Kurome munching on the apples.

"Kurome, that's for the desert!" Wave snatched away the other apple that was in reach. "And if you're going to sneak away ingredients, at least be more subtle about it!"

"I told you this would be a bad idea." Kurome rolled her eyes again.

"You could put more effort into actually learning this…" Wave grabbed her snack bag. "And you really shouldn't eat these before dinner either." He turned around and was about to put them on a shelf when Kurome held her blade up against his neck.

"Give those back or I'll chop you up and eat you." Kurome quietly threatened.

"You can't eat a person!" Wave protested, trying to back away from the sharp edge of her weapon. Unfortunately, he was kind of caught between her and the sword, and she was slowly inching her sword closer to his neck.

"You'd be surprised." Kurome whispered in his ear. "Hand. Over. My Sweets."

-=-=-E

A scream was heard from the kitchen. Dr. Stylish looked up from his work in the Jaegar meeting room, and Run also perked up in response. The next thing they knew, Wave was running down the castle halls.

"Kurome's going to eat me!" was what he yelled as he passed the meeting room.

"I was planning to do that!" Dr. Stylish snapped his fingers. "That girl really does work fast…" He noted with a mix of envy and admiration.

"I…don't think that's what Wave meant…" Run said.

"Just give me back my sweets!" Kurome demanded as she chased after him.

"No!" Wave refused. "You need to eat healthier! Like vegetables and seafood!"

"You fish freak housewife!" Kurome yelled back.

"I'm not a fish freak housewife!" Wave denied. "I'm a man of the sea!"

Run sighed and made his way out to the hall to break it up and resolve the conflict. It looked like they were either going to eat out or Wave would be cooking by himself tonight.

-=-=-()

"Seryu Ubiquitous at your service!" Seryu saluted. "And so is my assistant, Koro!" The aforementioned teigu also saluted.

"Well, at least you seem to be more enthusiastic about this than Kurome was…" Wave helped her with her apron. "You know, I was actually worried that you being here with Koro would end up with us losing ingredients for dinner again."

"Koro, no!" Seryu yanked the puppy away from the meat. "I told you I'd give you meat later!"

"I spoke too soon…" Wave realized. "Should we leave Koro with Run until we're finished with lessons?"

"Oh, Koro will behave." Seryu promised. "I'll keep an extra careful eye on him too."

"Are you sure?" Wave asked, skeptical.

"I promiiiiiise!" Seryu stressed. Koro imitated her expression as best as he could. Wave sighed.

"All right, all right…" Wave turned to his cutting board. "Let's start with shredding some lettuce."

"Shred?" Seryu cocked her head. "Oh, I think I have a custom tool for that from Dr. Stylish!"

"Really?" Wave asked. "I didn't expect Dr. Stylish to design anything for domestic work. He seems like the type to make weapons and do surgeries."

"Koro, number ten!" Seryu ordered.

Koro opened his mouth about as high as Seryu's height before biting down on her arm. He then moved back and revealed Seryu's chainsaw arm attachment, courtesy of Dr. Stylish.

"Chainsaw of justice!" Seryu yanked on the cord of her chainsaw with her other hand and revved it up.

"You can't have something like that in the kitchen!" Wave protested over the noise of the chainsaw.

"Ehh, why not?" Seryu asked over the noise of the chainsaw. "Wouldn't this be more efficient at chopping things up?"

"You're cooking, not hacking away at criminals!" Wave pointed out. "Put that away!"

"Don't worry, I'll put the power on the kitchen setting!" Seryu assured him, re-revving the chainsaw.

"It has a kitchen setting?" Wave asked.

"Lowest power setting, kitchen setting, same thing!" Seryu explained before her chainsaw completely demolished not only the cutting board, but the table and nearby sink as well. "Oops!"

"I told you to put it away!" Wave groaned. "Well, I guess we can start by cooking the meat I prepared earlier…"

"I have a tool for that too." Seryu beamed. "Koro, number eleven!"

"No, the oven should be just fine-!" Wave's jaw dropped. "H-how did you keep a live flame inside your teigu?!"

Seryu's chainsaw arm was exchanged for a metal torch-like mechanism, the fire flickered wildly where her hand was supposed to be.

"You'll have to ask Dr. Stylish because I'm not entirely sure…" She explained. "But it's good to have a live fire! The flames of justice can never be extinguished!" She pushed a switch under the torch, and the flames intensified.

"Hey, you're going to burn down the kit-!"

It was too late. The kitchen caught fire faster than Esdeath fell for Tatsumi, and _that_ was a feat in and of itself.

Kurome came by to tell Wave that she knew this would be a bad idea, and she helped to put out the fire. Wave treated her to dinner as thanks while Seryu left to go on her night patrol and do what she did best.

Deliver justice to the villainous scum of the empire!

-=-=-E

"Ohhh, that apron really does suit you!" Dr. Stylish looked Wave up and down approvingly. "It's surprisingly stylish."

"You think so?" Wave looked down at his apron. "It doesn't look all that special…"

"Nonsense!" Dr. Stylish waved the comment away. "You really ought to take more advantage of your natural good looks, Wave. In fact, you'd probably look even better if you were wearing _just_ the apron."

"But if I wore just the apron, I'd be practically nake-…!" Wave saw the other's lewd expression and narrowed his eyes at the doctor in a 'not in the mood for your harassment' kind of look.

"That disapproving stare is awfully intense today…" Dr. Stylish got the memo unexpectedly fast.

' _It's kind of attractive.'_ Dr. Stylish had to admit.

"Let's start by pre-heating the oven…" was all Wave said before he did just that.

"I'll never understand why people bother mixing substances in pots when flasks can do the trick just as well." Dr. Stylish shrugged.

"Well, that's just how you're supposed to coo-!" Wave turned to see Dr. Stylish had somehow inexplicably brought his lab tables into the kitchen. Beakers and flasks were laid out across the tabletops, bubbling with some strangely colored liquids.

"And you can see what you're mixing in these glass containers." Dr. Stylish pointed out.

"You can't cook in beakers and flasks!" Wave protested.

"Nonsense!" Dr. Stylish adjusted his glasses. "Cooking is exactly like chemistry in a sense! You transfer energy in order to change a mixture of substances into something entirely new, don't you? My lab mixtures are no different!"

"If you're going to insist on using lab equipment, then you'd better not serve whatever you make to anyone other than yourself…" Wave said.

"Oh, you don't have to worry about that." Dr. Stylish waved him off. "My lovely experiments always test out every single thing I make."

' _I feel really bad for those people…'_ Wave thought as he added herbs to the soup he was making.

"But I suppose if it'll please you, I'll take your lessons more seriously." Dr. Stylish switched off the burners for his lab equipment.

"Really?" Wave asked. "Why the sudden change of heart, doctor?"

"We get to spend more quality time this way!" Dr. Stylish pointed out with a flourish, sparkles falling around him.

' _M-maybe this was a bad idea after all…'_ Wave thought, grimacing at the idea.

"Start by wearing an apron instead of your lab coat, then."

"I can't wear such an unstylish thing!"

"And you don't care when I'm wearing one?"

"It's different when it's you, Wave." Dr. Stylish waved him off. "It gives you this housewife-like charm." He leered.

"Dr. Stylish." Wave spoke in a snipped tone. "If you can't stop with the harassment or actually _try_ to learn how to cook, then you can leave the kitchen." The scientist squirmed under his dark glare.

' _This commanding side of Wave-kun is nice too.'_ Dr. Stylish thought, trying hard to suppress his blush so Wave wouldn't throw him out. Dr. Stylish raised his hands disarmingly and turned to put the same herbs Wave was using in his own pot.

Wave quirked an eyebrow at the action, not actually expecting results, but smiled despite himself anyway. He turned back to his ingredients satisfied before helping Dr. Stylish with the rest of the recipe.

"This is a bit less like chemistry than I expected." Dr. Stylish commented as they finished up their dishes. "Are they ready to serve now, Wave-kun?"

"No, there's one last important step." Wave replied, getting a spoonful of Dr. Stylish's soup. "You have to taste your dish before you serve it to others." He explained before he did just that. The flavor of the soup was different from his, but it still tasted decen-! 

Wave suddenly dropped to the floor, limbs frozen. Dr. Stylish walked towards him in a manner that suggested he wasn't at all concerned or surprised about the sudden development.

"Wh-wha…?" Wave could barely speak, unable to move a single inch.

"Oh dear!" Dr. Stylish exclaimed mockingly. "I seem to have mistaken thyme for a certain plant known for paralyzing its consumers… They are very similar-looking after all." He shrugged, delighted expression betraying him. "How unfortunate, Wave-kun. You can't move at all, can you?"

Wave's eyes widened in alarm. How could…how could one of his allies do this to him…? What did Dr. Stylish want…?

"I've been wanting to experiment on you for a long time." Dr. Stylish cleared away his beakers and flasks to make room for strapping Wave to the table. "Not just because you might be my type, but you have a lot of potential in other areas as well. I hope there's no hard feelings when I cut you open."

And that's when all of Wave's fear and betrayal turned into white-hot rage.

"You…" He slowly started to move again.

"Eh?" Dr. Stylish watched in disbelief. "Wave-kun, that's impossible. You can't-!"

"FREAKING PERVERTED CREEP!" in record timing, Wave had equipped his Grand Chariot and punched Dr. Stylish through the roof of the kitchen. "Can't believe I even had hope in you!" He huffed, de-equipping his armor.

Dr. Stylish landed in the castle courtyard hard, making a slightly bloodied crater in the paved brick. He got up and tended to his own injuries with a wide smile on his face.

Yeah, it had hurt like nearly nothing else when Wave clocked him, but angry Wave was _very attractive_.

' _And besides,'_ Dr. Stylish thought as he fixed his glasses, _'now I know that Grand Chariot can override that type of induced paralysis.'_ He grinned.

He looked forward to the day he could finally experiment on Wave.

"Dr. Stylish!" Seryu called. "Are you injured? Would you like some help?" She ran towards him.

' _And I have Seryu to entertain me in the meantime.'_ Dr. Stylish grinned as she caught up to him.

-=-=-()

Much like when he had first met the older man, Wave wondered if someone had sent him an angel.

' _Finally, someone normal!'_ Wave thought happily, tears in his eyes.

"Wave, how do you want me to cut these?" Run asked from his work on the cutting board.

"Here, let me show you." Wave brought his cutting board to where Run was. He took the other half of lettuce and placed it on the board. "To shred it, you have to start like so…"

"Ah, I see." Run took the first half of his lettuce and did his best to follow Wave's example. Wave watched him with a wide smile.

Run had shown up early to help him prepare. Run had even went shopping with him for the ingredients and helped him carry everything. Run was wearing his apron properly and actually _looked_ like he wanted to learn. And Run even looked like he could be good at it if he continued at this pace!

' _Is this what happiness is?'_ Wave wondered happily as they finished their dishes.

"They look great." Run commented.

"Yeah, they really do!" Wave didn't even try to contain his excitement.

"Are they ready to serve now, Wave?"

"No, there's one last step every good chef should do." Wave handed Run a spoon. "You have to taste your dish before you serve it to others."

"Of course." Run nodded. They both took a bite of Run's dish and…

…s-sweet!

"This can't be right." Wave took another bite, but the flavor was still an unharmonious sweet one. He grimaced at the taste.

"I…I think I might've mistaken salt for sugar…" Run rubbed the back of his head, nervously.

It was such a common, cliché, culinary mistake, Wave felt like bawling.

"Heh heh…" He ended up chuckling instead. "You're clumsier than I expected."

"W-well, sometimes you have to be bad at something before you can be good at it." Run pointed out, a blush starting to form.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean for it to come off like I was laughing at you." Wave ended up laughing again. "At least it's edible. Kurome might like it, even."

It turned out that Kurome did like Run's not-supposed-to-be sugar dishes. She liked them enough that she singlehandedly ate all of the dinner before anyone else could have a bite.

"K-Kurome…" Wave stared at her in disbelief. Yatsufusa's owner stared back at him blankly, no intention of apologizing. Run tapped Wave's shoulder comfortingly.

"Why don't I take you out to dinner since Kurome kind of ate everyone else's?" The angelic man offered. "It was mostly my fault that she ate everything after all."

"You don't have t-!" Wave started.

"It's the least I could do." Run pushed. "I know a great seafood restaurant that just opened up." Wave thought it over and decided that it couldn't hurt. And having dinner together would be a great way for two friends to bond.

"I'd like that." Wave smiled. Run led him out the door while Dr. Stylish watched jealously.

"And I thought Kurome was my only rival." The scientist's glasses glinted dangerously. "That was well-played, Run, you criminally smooth fiend, you."

-=-=-E

"…hm?" Esdeath inclined her head. "You look like you want to say something, Wave."

"Um…it's just…" Wave looked away. "I didn't expect you to be so good at this. Uh, I mean-I didn't mean that in a disrespectful manner or anyth-!"

"At ease, Wave." She sighed. "I have some knowledge of cooking since I hunted as a child." She resumed cleaning the carrots. "If you didn't hunt, you didn't eat."

"That sounds a lot like my hometown." Wave smiled at the memory. "Except we were more fishers than hunters."

"I don't think I've ever fished that much." Esdeath thought out loud.

"Oh, we should go to the ocean when you have some free time." Wave suggested excitedly. "I can tell you everything you need to know to land a big one!"

"Hm…" Esdeath cocked her head. "I don't know…waiting for something to bite my line isn't really my style." She carefully cut the tomatoes.

"Well, we can always do spear-fishing instead." Wave offered, pre-heating the oven.

"Spear-fishing?" Esdeath echoed, dropping the cut carrots into a bowl.

"We'd have to go to a river instead of the ocean, but you can use a spear to stab the fish and catch them that way." Wave explained, adding soup stock to the boiling pot.

"Hm." Esdeath nodded. "That sounds like a plan." She was about to put the pork roast in the oven when Wave stopped her.

"You didn't add any herbs to that." Wave pointed out.

"Oh…I didn't think of that." Esdeath cocked her head. "Back when I was a child, we mostly just threw the meat over a fire till it was ready. I'm afraid I'm a bit ignorant when it comes to this seasoning thing."

"That's all right, Captain." Wave said as he picked out the herbs. "That's what you're learning toda…?" Wave stared at the meat. Strange, he had _thought_ it was a pork roast, but now that he got a closer look at it, a boar didn't have a bunch of tiny bumps on its side.

"What's wrong?" Esdeath asked. "Have you never tried giant centipede before?"

"G-giant centipede?!" Wave echoed.

' _Oh, so those bumps on the side were the centipede's legs…'_ Wave realized. _'Ewww!'_

"Are…are you sure this is edible?" Wave asked.

"The texture is certainly different from most meat." Esdeath pointed out. "But I can assure you that it is more edible and efficient than giant tigers."

"You must've eaten a lot of interesting things, Captain." Wave marveled.

"One cannot afford to be picky if one is to survive."

"I can't even imagine how you went about catching this thing, much less cooking it."

"The best part of cutting that centipede apart was hunting it, though." Esdeath's eyes sparkled. "It moved rather quickly, so chasing after it was difficult. It finally let its guard down when it fed on a deer, and that was when I pinned it down with my ice shards before _ripping_ _it_ _apart_." She said those last three words with relish.

"I-is that so…?" Wave asked.

"Hm." Esdeath frowned. "I'm afraid I can't get into this until I've hunted again. This isn't exciting enough."

Just as she said that, roars and howls ripped through the air. Esdeath perked up with a feral grin while Wave's eyes widened in alarm.

"That must be livestock I ordered!" She gleefully exited the kitchen.

"L-livestock?" Wave questioned. They sounded more like danger bea-…! Oh. "Wait, you're hunting them in the palace?!" He equipped his Grand Chariot, dashing through the castle halls in order to protect the servants.

Luckily for Wave, the Jaegars were already on it. Seryu and Run were protecting the servants, Kurome was mostly doing it out of both boredom and because it's in her job description, and Dr. Stylish was collecting new test subjects with every danger beast he subdued with his minions.

"I take it the cooking lesson didn't go so well?" Run asked Wave as they moved people to the safe zone.

"I'm never teaching anyone to cook again!" Wave adamantly declared. "Well, except maybe you…" Run chuckled.

"After this is over, do you want to visit that restaurant we went to last time?" The blond offered. "I think you've done enough cooking for us as it is."

"Sure!" Wave answered. He thanked whoever it was that gave him a friend like Run.

"…how does he keep scoring like that?" Dr. Stylish wondered as he watched the two cleave a danger beast in half.

-=-=-()

"Ah, I wish we had had more time for our vacation." Bols' wife said.

"It was fun while it lasted." Bols answered. "And I'm glad to see the palace is still standing."

"You worry too much, honey." Bols' wife gave him a reassuring kiss.

"Silly daddy!" Logue teased.

"I guess I did worry a bit too mu-!" Bols' voice died in his throat as giant ice shards spiked through the walls of the palace. Bols' jaw dropped under his mask.

Well, so much for that…

-=-=-E

KN: So I also wanted to do a chapter where Tatsumi teaches the Night Raid members who don't know how to cook, but I just don't know how that's supposed to work…

KN: I could see Bulat, Lubbock, and Chelsea probably doing fine while Sheele does the typical clumsy thing, Mine gets knocked down a peg, Leone's kind of just a distraction, and Najenda probably misjudges her own strength, but I don't know how to make that entertaining when half the students are actually competent.


End file.
